just the high of laughter we shared

alrighty,

so i was just thinking about you, i know you may know this already but i'm never going to forget, i drunkly told you my plan, but seriously that is just how much you affect me, for the better and worse. i loved you then, and now.

i recently read over my blogs, and i am happy that after everything we remained friends.

you are my rock. the centre of me. you are family, my lover, and my best friend. my constant. I love you. thank you for always being there for me, no matter where life will lead us, from you living a 10 minute drive away to you now living a 2 hour bus ride away, to me wanting to move all over the world. I know i will have a way to contact you, send you updates. thank you for everything you have done for me. you are so beautiful by the way. :)

and for you, when i move all around the world, i hope that in the end i will fall back with you. because i can't see myself with anyone else, because you are everything i want to ever have. but you aren't going to stop me from my dreams, and i know you don't want too. but after i am done, i'll give you a call. but for now lets keep at this challenge baby. ;) things have never been so good, so great. it was always you, i hope you know that. i never forgot about you, i just needed you to see that i am willing to leave if you didn't start treating me like i needed to be treated. and you did that, and beyond.

can we? please?

You were there to wear it from the start.

Alright,

I'm so tired all the time. Physically and mentally. Yet I won't stop working because i know where i'm working to go. Speaking of. I'm getting nervous, there is no way i'm not going. I need to go, I've worked my actually ass off to go. but I'll be all the way over there alone. thats pretty scary, and I've become so antisocial and awkward. I just don't want to be around other people, its so hard to find time and stuff.

I have so much homework, and yet i write two lines, then think i need to listen to much then i go on tumblr and then i go on here... awkward.

Oh well. :P I'll get it done.

I miss so many people, but i have no urge to actually get up and see them. I'm pretty sure i could just stay in bed with two people all day and be happy. :)

Overall, life is great at the moment.

I honestly feel like a horrible person.

Not this time around.

I don't understand why I feel like this now. I hate feeling jealous. It seems the more that I begin to like him more, the more i think about you. I don't want to be with you. I don't need you. i don't even know. You are not who I want, or even can have at this moment in time. Stop occupying my brain, and let me move on.

Damn you Taylor Swift...

I feel like a slut.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

I do not need that guilt, i get enough for just being with you... I really wish this easier, its easier when i'm with you. Just when I talk about you I get all this crap, and looks from everyone, I knew my opinion on you was the same as everyones, but things change, and I didn't know you. And right now in this moment in time I do like her, and I do enjoy being around her. And I do understand why she's not coming. But I do not need extra shit right now.

I'm thinking if i just explode maybe things will be better?

I'm not sure what the fuck I'm doing with my fuck tard of a life at the moment. Its actually making my stomach feel sick.