Guess what drug I'm on Ecstasy

Well, that was an another amazing weekend! But this weekends are tuckering me out yo! I must say Friday was delightful in every single way. I will watch Harry Potter through new eyes now. Scary shit man, scary shit.

Boy, do you ever make me like you. Honestly, just honestly, I love being around you. I love the way you kiss me, I just love this relationship. Honestly, just fucking honestly, I'm happy. :)

I want a job, so bad. I wish I was not so lazy.

I'm sorry. But dear god, was I happy when you told me. But even still, I'm happy with the person I'm with now. And we didn't work. Even though one of the reasons I broke up with you, you fixed. But what you said, and my happiness does not effect my current relationship. I'm sorry. But thank you for putting my jealous feelings away. :)

Even if I knew what to say you

This goes against everything I have believed in. But I love it.

Yet, I can't fucking stop thinking about you, I can't stop being jealous, and the worst I can't stop missing you. I can't fucking stop anything. I fucking want all this to just go away. I'm so done with these thoughts. I want this to be over, I want to continue being happy with the person I choose. I am happy with the person i chose. Which is why i do not understand it. Fuck this fucking shit up its ass.

Time is restless

I have come to the conclusion I hate hiding. I hate that I can't say things around certain people. Its not just one person, there is a few people. And I openly want to say that I love things that are illegal. I hate this. This is the person who I am now. And I would like to feel as though you people accept me for that, but instead I feel as though I am always doing something bad.

I hate being jealous of things I should not.

SMILE!

But you left me far behind.

I really enjoy being with you. I really enjoy how I never felt this way before, I really enjoy how I miss you, I really enjoy you. I really enjoy our relationship. You make me so happy. And feel wanted, and special. I really enjoy how much I like you.

I am excited for this weekend :) Spending some nice time with some awesome people :)

I'm not going anywhere.

You make me... I don't know, there is this pull towards you. I like it sometimes, but other times it makes me mad.

I need a little more luck than a little bit

You make me want to make you happy. But I don't know if I can anymore. And I do know that the ways I want to make you happy I am not allowed to do.

RIP Cooper. It sucks that you died. But oh well, its life.

Ahh, you. :)

I want to know more. Really talk!

and people say our babies are walking around

Oh fuck shit balls... :| who?

Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?

Bum bum de bum bum. I have no idea either.

Yesterday, was quite swell, I liked being with you :) You make me happy. And I still enjoy the way things are going, and it been more than a month! That is amazing for me! LOL I enjoy that I can talk about the future with you, and I don't go running like I used to, or go quiet, I enjoy how I talk back about it. I just fucking enjoy you. :)

I wish my itunes loaded faster...

My weekend, it was good. Busy, but the way I like it :)

That isn't my problem.

Speaking of that, I remember what this blog was going to be about! I have come to the conclusion that I am a very selfish person. When I have a fantastic life, I find something to complain about, like honestly, I have great friends, an amazing family, I take the few things that may be bad, and make them effort all those people. I'm guessing it a teenager thing... But I wish those little things didn't bother me so much sometimes.

Soo... on a side note, LOL, I want these feelings to go away. ahhah ohhh, not they are bad, I do enjoy them at times, but I'm scared they are going to led me to things that won't be a positive effort on my relationship. Ugh. I just want you. LOL, these feelings are funny ones, I've never had them for so long, no matter what you say. I'm done. LOL so funny.

I feel as though I have more to say..

YES I DO!
That conversation was good, I won't lie. I've always loved talking to you, you let me talk, hear what I have to say, and reply. And make me feel as though you actually listened (oh I hate how I am bringing this back to you) so much unlike you, and you fucking wondered why I never talked. Oh god, I very much dislike you. And I can very happily say that I am happy you are out of my life. But no this part was not about you. I learned things that night that I had never known, or would have guessed, which also leads to that selfish thing as well. I'm truly sorry. If I had known that I would have effected you so much, which I should have known cause my first effects me, not her, but the first girl i liked, to this day, everything she does still effects me. ugh, i'm sorry. You deserve better.

Well I think that is all I have to say for now. Yup.

Before you run away

Please just let me stop feeling like this. I don't want to, I just want to be happy. I have everything to make me feel happy, yet I'm not. I feel so selfish

Now its far to late she's gone away

"I should of never thought of you, oh you, you're pushing and pulling me down to you."

I am so sick of feeling like this, fuck. I just want these thoughts, and feelings to go away. And I don't even know how I would explain them. Like honestly I still like you, and I am not even thinking thoughts about not being with you, which is why I don't fucking understand why I am feeling like this. I was so over you, then why when I see you so happy and such does it tear at me from the inside? I have no right what so ever to feel this way. None. I ended it. But I can't help it.
Fuck I thought I got over this, grow up.
I don't want to be here, I don't know what else you want from me.

How can they ask why I feel so angry do you see my problem if I never explain it

So that last blog, i re-read, and it would sound confusing, its about the right person, not a person I shouldn't have feelings for.
But I need to stop walking away, when I am with you, I feel comfortable, happy, happy again, I just feel good. And i still like you, but during this time of the month, and if I don't talk to you a lot, I will go off. I don't know how to explain it, does that make sense? Oh darn. But, I like you, a lot, and I like where everything is going, I am just in like with this. :) LOL yet here I find myself flirting with you, you are just so easy to flirt with. I love doing it, and the way you flirt back. But those thoughts Samantha, need to leave. But with the mood I have been in, I doubt they will. Oh darn.
So I like how its reversed now, now I wonder if you read these. LOL, oh that is funny.

Her hourglass body, she had problems with drinking milk

I love feeling jealous when it comes to you, I know its not a good mood, but its nice to still care a lot about you.

Hush little bady don't you say a word

I don't know if its a bad thing that I miss you. Not like being together. Just when I see you smiling, and being happy and such, I won't lie I get stab of jealously. I did enjoy making you happy. But I am not saying I like you again. I think maybe I just miss you always seeming happy in my life. I dunno. I'm not saying that something is wrong with Trevor, I have been more faithful to him, then I have been with anyone else LOL. Not saying that I'm a cheater of course, but I have just seemed to stop flirting. Which is good. and I do like him, very much so :)

I feel so as though I could do this with my life. But I think I need to get my head into school. And I hate it when you slip those comments into things. and make me feel as though I'm not trying. Which I am. But on what I was saying, talking with you helped. I could see myself doing this. And being able to travel the world and do so, pretty much a perfect job. LOL But I dunno it scares me still. it will be a challenge but then that means life won't be so boring. 7 years is a long time though. I think I should talk to some more people about it. But I don't know what else I could be. Ughh, why is decided these things so hard.

Good morning Portland

I don't wanna hide anymore. You should just realize that what I am not doing something as horrible as you make me feel. I'm not going to die. I'm just living my life.