If you could only see the beast you've made of me

My mind is racing with so many thoughts, I hate this part of being a female.

I want you. I'm feeling jealous, and I forgot that I hate this feeling. I want you, I'm thinking I want to be more than what we are. But I'm scared that would ruin it. I don't know how to explain it. I don't just want to jump into relationships again that got me no where in life. I have learned a lot. We would be so amazing together. I don't know what to do, honestly I don't. My mind flips around all the time. I want you, thats pretty much constant, that doesn't go away. I haven't this is kind of feeling before. I wish things would just fall into place, why are things so hard. Go with the flow, and see where things go. Its hard.

Nothing is going to happen, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you.

Maybe I should just make myself not attached to other people. I have all these people who I use to not feel lonely. Maybe I need to make myself fully alone. To be able to find out what I want.

You asked me never to leave you, but what if i need to. To find out what I want to do with you.

Its becoming to much, I need to cut back again. Pull out some will power.

I like my classes. They are really good.

Why are you so smart, you saw this coming, and here it is.

Hanging out with you made me miss you. But I will not fall back to you. I can't be with you again, i need better.. Relationships should not be that hard.

Okay I'm done.