I gave you all.

I've discovered that I have many flaws that could prove to be a problem in my later life. But I have no desire to change them. Which is also part of my problem.

I know I have said this before, but I need to move on. I don't want too, but I need too. Feeling this way is not healthy. It would also be nice for you to not play on my feelings, I know I don't stop you, cause well during the moment I love it, but its late at night as it is now, that I hate it. I look back, and want more of it. But I know that right now you're with someone else, getting what I want. And it hurts. You don't care though.

I don't know if I just forgot, or I put a mental blocker up. Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal, maybe I was just over reacting. I don't know what. I feel foolish. How do you stop something you want so much. I feel like I've dealt with this before.

And you were right, I remember now.

If you need directions I will be your guide for all time.

I feel tired, not necessarily physically tired, but emotionally tired. You use me so much, you play with my emotions. If I was any weaker than i already am I would be really bothered by it. But those walls I built up are working. I won't lie, I have a need for you. I miss you when we are together. and it sucks. But there is so much pressure. But I don't want it to go away, well the pressure i want to go away. but I want this friendship to stay. I just... I don't really know. Its all so confusing. But not really, I'm just making it more confusing. Jealously is not a good feeling

Oh another thing. How did I come back from that so fast, how can i trust you again so easily. That just doesn't make any sense. I think if the roles were reserved our friendship would be over. I don't know what that makes me? the better person? or a stupid person? I guess only the future will tell me.

I want so bad.

That had nothing to do with it.

I feel so not confident about things now. I hate it.

If you could only see the beast you've made of me

My mind is racing with so many thoughts, I hate this part of being a female.

I want you. I'm feeling jealous, and I forgot that I hate this feeling. I want you, I'm thinking I want to be more than what we are. But I'm scared that would ruin it. I don't know how to explain it. I don't just want to jump into relationships again that got me no where in life. I have learned a lot. We would be so amazing together. I don't know what to do, honestly I don't. My mind flips around all the time. I want you, thats pretty much constant, that doesn't go away. I haven't this is kind of feeling before. I wish things would just fall into place, why are things so hard. Go with the flow, and see where things go. Its hard.

Nothing is going to happen, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you.

Maybe I should just make myself not attached to other people. I have all these people who I use to not feel lonely. Maybe I need to make myself fully alone. To be able to find out what I want.

You asked me never to leave you, but what if i need to. To find out what I want to do with you.

Its becoming to much, I need to cut back again. Pull out some will power.

I like my classes. They are really good.

Why are you so smart, you saw this coming, and here it is.

Hanging out with you made me miss you. But I will not fall back to you. I can't be with you again, i need better.. Relationships should not be that hard.

Okay I'm done.