then you take it away.

don't you understand that i cant physically and mentally tell you to leave me. I am no where near strong enough. i know you see what i am going through you, you say you understand. but then why can't you see that i was asking you to leave me. you need to leave me alone. you are hanging on to someone who only hurts others. for your own sanity i cant process why you would even want to be here. I won't bring you happiness, i will pull you in and then push you down. im more fucked up then you realize. but i border line need you, which terrifies me beyond belief. never have i ever wanted to be in this position. i know what i need to do, but i don't have enough in me to make me do it.

hold my hands up. breath in and breath out.

I am sad. and lost.

and it keeps on coming

I hurt everywhere. My insides feel like they weigh more than they ever have and its just dragging me down somewhere. i don't know how to stop this feeling.

This is worse then it seems

I have no idea if i am just exhausted or sad. I think its both. You are my best friend but I cannot be with you anymore. I just can't. I am a different person than the one you knew in Greece. I don't know who that person is I don't know what I want. I don't what to do where to go. My life here is totally different and I don't know what my next move is. You're hurting but I'm scared shitless. You were all I had to come back too you would be by my side everytime i needed you but i can't let that happen anymore. I will not fall back into my old single ways. 

Come September at least. 

You live very far away stop making me want to talk to you all the time. 

You don't talk, you don't say nothing

I am to young to feel that way, I feel as though I should distance myself from you. You are so seriously in love with me. But as soon as you said that I saw an ending I can see the finish line. I don't know if that makes me relax or just makes me... i have no idea. I don't like that idea you put in my head, but  you put it there and its not going anywhere.
I am honestly thinking I am going to break down every once in awhile, but I don't really have time too. I need to work, I need to make people happy, I need to make money, I need to do many things. I really don't do much but yet I feel overwhelmed.
That is honestly to far. I fucking hate ICBC... or well not really them, well the guy i have to talk too, i hate him, but i hate the fucking retard i tapped. I won't even say hit, because there needs to be more of an impact behind that. Oh well.
Greece Samantha Greece. Just get there. Relax. Breath. Don't think. Live. Laugh. Love. You got this. Dreams really do come true sometimes
I make no sense.

I am the same as I was in your arms.

I am in love with you. I have fallen hard. I love you. So much. Every moment of the day. Everything about you even the things that I hate. I have given all of myself to you I trust you with all my dark secrets. I am so much in love with you.

It's night like tonight where I can't sleep that I realize how much I truly do love you and all your flaws. In your forgiving arms I feel as though my life is figured out and that no matter where I go in life I will always be welcome into your arms. I feel horrible for having hurt you so badly but I have never regretted what I did. And I know you feel how much this has changed. I am nervous for our futures but why fret on that now, I am going to love you that I know for sure.

I am in this rut that involves being anti social besides being with Trevor. But being with him is so easy which is why I am always with him. All I do is work sleep study and read. Mostly read. I do not know if I should try and break out of this rut, I am not going to lie I am content. I am also so tired all the time.

With being in this rut I have been neglectful of my friendship duties... And I feel horrible about that. And I am here to talk whenever you need me.

No matter what happens I am going to be your side. You can move to the other side of Canada and I will go with you. You sacrificed so much for me and I want you to be happy. And if this isn't then I'll make sure you don't spend nights alone. You are my best friend after all and it's only right that now that I am old enough we take turns taking care of each other. I got your back.