I'm bored...

"Imagine there's no heaven."
"But I still miss you more, miss you more than, I still ever did before you left your spores inside"

Well, I don't understand why my mood is so upsetting. Its bringing me down man. Yet, I have refused to cry, well my one eye has... all the time. Only because I am sick, or maybe my body just thinks it is sad, so its crying, out of one eye? No that does not make sense. LOL. But my mind has been riddled with many, many, thoughts. Me no likey. Why do I have to think in such complex thoughts. Arrg. But I feel as though I want to express them now:

You: you, boy oh boy, you are not the right kind of person I am normally attracted to. Feel honoured, I'm hot. LOL's oh I am so funny. But yes, maybe this is why you have not made a move yet, maybe we should have a heart to heart? talk about these things, cause I want things to go farther, we have the same goals here boy. The good thing, that I thought was going to happen, was that I wouldn't have to make the first move. But if I have, I will. Cause I want to. Oh that sounds so whorey. LOL wowwww, but anyways, yes. Man up, you hoe. ;)

You: Ohhh youuuuuuuuuuuu, youuuuuu, yooooooouuuuu, WHY?!?!?! I don't know why I am rethinking things. I was so unhappy. You made me feel bad for everything i did. all the tears. I won't deny that I have a blast in some parts. But those 3 months, I was not sober pretty much the whole time. You put to much pressure on me, I was always there to make you feel better, adn I did. But when it came to me feeling better. You jsut pushed me back down. Then why am i rethinking these thoughts. I don't want you again. Maybe Katie was right, and maybe I do jsut miss teh physical stuff. Or maybe I miss the idea of always haveing you there. and why oh why are those postits still there? You act like you ahte me, even to my face. Yes, that could be a possiblty. Damn girl. Get out of my head. I don't want you back, no I don't. But I dunno, just get out of my head.

You: Well then, even in the state of mind I was in. My heart did skip a beat. I won't be a bitch, and be like oh I am so happy. It kills me to see you hurting, and I wish there was somehting I could do to make you not be hurting right now. But there isn't. You do have a spot in my heart. I don't know what to feel now. I keep thinking of what i felt after. Ohh, not fun stuff. Oh, that hurt. I don't really know what to think when it coems to you. I miss you, not in the friend way. I showed you that. I don't think I could make you happy. I'm also not good for you. I was so much more than happy during this time last year. The feeligns I got when I was with you, was something I have never felt since, I remember those moments clearer than I remember anything, yet it never seemed to matter with you, so why do I even care? you don't care about this anymore. these thoughts are pointless, that time past. I won't get that kind of bliss back, or at least I won't with you, no matter how much I want them back. Fuck, just move on Sam.